'For I have learned that in whatever situation I am to be content.' - Paul

Hello again!

So this week has totally flown by, and in all honesty much of it I can't remember as it flew by so fast. 

There's a saying in Betel: 

"15% of what you do you love, 15% of what you do you hate and the other 70% is unmemorable." 

As I come to the end of my time here one of the biggest things I'm thankful for is that God has begun to answer a prayer that I have been praying for over 6 months now; that I would learn to be content in all circumstances. 

Those who know me well know that I'm someone who quite likes to be flung out of her comfort zone. For me there are few things that excite me more than being alone in a crazy place or situation with only God to count on - but being content, joyful and reliant on Him in the more mundane times has always been more of a struggle. 

But since being here, where a lot of my life involves cleaning toilets, sweeping, mopping, making sandwiches, cooking, delivering flyers, taking out bins and working quite normal nine to five jobs I am finally starting to grasp the art of worshipping God in the daily 'normality' of life, finding genuine joy in such times and seeing Him even use such times for His glory! I mean, the most incredible chats I've had with the women have always been when we have been working side by side on a job. The jobs I used to look forward to the least I now usually find myself eager to do as I get to worship my awesome God in the process! 

However I am of course still in the process of learning this; the other day I woke up feeling awful, I hadn't spent much time alone with God the last couple of days so I was having one of those days where I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to stay in bed and sulk. And so I did the only thing I knew that would get me out of bed and give me strength to face another long day, I prayed. I asked God to provide me that day with something that would take my eyes off myself, make me look to Him and give me stamina and joy for the usual 18 hour day. Not long after the job of the day had started, one of the older women came up to me and asked me what it was again that I was studying, when I told her it was theology she got so excited and pulled a crinkled, well written on piece of paper out of her pocket. It was full of all the questions about the Bible and about God that she'd accumulated since being in Betel and for the rest of the day I got to indulge in a few of my absolute favorite activities in all the world - talking about the Bible, talking about Jesus and talking about the cross as we worked! It not only lifted my eyes from earth to heaven but also gave me that joy which I only ever experience when sharing the gospel with people who's hearts are hungry to hear it. God is so good to me!

Even when I forget to be content, God reminds me of all that I have to be content about. 

It's such a privilege to be able to grow so close to these girls, it is a bitter sweet feeling however because I know I'm leaving soon and it feels kind of like I'm cheating these ladies in a way; getting close to them, seeing God do amazing works in their lives, talking to them, praying with them, offering as much love and friendship as I possibly can only to leave after 5 weeks. 

Monday a girl told me that I was her best friend in the house. You might think my heart would be warmed or that I'd feel good because I'd 'made an impact' on this girls life. But I didn't. I felt really sad.
I am sad that this girl feels that a listening ear is such a rare luxury for her.

I am sad that this girl is so deprived of love and her expectations of people are so low that even the slightest show of friendship surprises her.
I'm sad that her yearning for love and satisfaction drove her to years of drug addiction.

Yet I am comforted also, because I can see that God is starting to fill this void in so many of these women. I see it each day, our two newest girls are thankfully seeing the back end of their cold turkey detoxes so were well enough to come to church on both Friday and Sunday. The two of them were utterly blown away by it, in awe and in tears. It's amazing to see them day by day getting more and more interested in the gospel message, and even having deep revelations of who God is. Though in this life I may not see the end result, I may not find out in this life if these ladies managed to stay clean and off the streets but this I know: that they are so deeply loved by God, that He is aching to see them fully restored, and become all that He has called them to be. All I can do is do what He has called me to do here and entrust them to His care.

I will close with this prayer, written by Ignatius Loyola which has really challenged me all this week:

'Teach us, Lord, to serve as you deserve, to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labour and not to ask for any reward save that of knowing that we do your will'

God is good all the time

God is good and that is His nature

God bless

Caris x